you try your best to understand the who, what, where, when why & how of this life you've been given.
sure, you've been taught to accept whatever answers that fill up those questions. they say you can change whatever you need to change, or do whatever you gots to do. i don't buy that. i feel like you're given these answers to accept them not as for what they are, but what they are to become. because every little thing in life has a delicate, yet powerful purpose. and it's funny because almost 95% of the time, our stuck-up American minds have found ourselves obsessed with impatience & ourselves. to the point that most of us are in denial.
i guess being so encompassed by the program these past coupla weeks, have made me fall deep into something. yea, that's it. something. i have no idea what it is, or where it's going, or what's up with it's timing, but its something. and to be honest, it really sucks. but talking this out to you guys made me realize that the things & the people that constantly let you down and/or subconsciously or unintentionally hurt you, have really made me DESIRE to live under a shadow. the shadow of patience, and humility & grace. as you can tell from my past posts, i've been thru a whirlwind of emotions these past 9 months. I guarantee you it was, in fact, the most torturous time of my life. funny thing is, it's still going. sure, "this too shall pass" is keeping me sane, but no point of denying the facts, denying the hurts.
and as i write this, i realize that as you're reading this down you find yourself limiting my words to nothing but dramatic. sure no one will admit it out loud, but its the truth. you think it. i know who you are. but that's okay.
because God in His infinite mercy has allowed to me feel the things i feel, or be treated the way i am treated for a purpose. and the confidence i have in that is so bewildering, that i may never come to terms of fully understanding it.
i find myself here in this lab at midnight, with the quiet buzz of computer fans and fluorescent ambiance, at the mercy of the Lord and the urge from Him to write this to you all. After hitting up Centerpoint
last week, this concept has dawned on me like beard on my face.
dont say the prayer, pray the prayer. its been the best revolutionary concept that i have ever heard. and i tell
you and promise you, that if you're out there feeling the bitterness that
i've felt and will feel periodically, that single line--if one takes it to its utmost sincerity--will give you more joy and peace like
never before. like you wont even know what to do with yourself. and im desperately trying to use that
as my getaway from it all.
TAKE HOME:
thanks for reading. pray for each other. if you see someone on the street, at a red light, on the subway,
on the freeway, or even on the starbucks line--i beg of you to be different and send a quick one up for them.
because if we cannot take care of each other sincerely, then be ashamed to call yourself of God, especially
if you publicly express yourself as a firm, outgoing & loving believer of the Lord. God will come back & haunt you.
so watch it.
mad hostile i know!! crazy, but id rather get all this out to you know, while i'm under stress & anxiety. because
the real truths & realities come out freely during these times. take it, drink it and let it bring forth change.
pray.Godbless.
